BLEACHY ADVERTISEMENTS
by myLITTLEnekoSHIRO
Summary: Isn't the title enough for you to WANT to read this? *pssstt look who's in it! points down *


**I thought it was high time I wrote something funny and my source of inspiration is watching waay too many banned commercials XD and the sexy ones like Axe. **

**Though I don't like the cologne. **

**I swear, the ads have seriously taught it all wrongs to the boys! They spray half the bottle on themselves hoping to attract boobilicious girls like in the ads when in reality we're all gagging on the strong scent. DUDE! I want to catch a whiff not the scent of something tearing the ozone layer in half! **

***ahem* so basically this is a collections of REAL ads that I have seen BUT with the Bleach cast ^^ REMEMBER I DO NOT OWN THE ADS! I AM MERELY INSPIRED BY THEM AND WISH TO CREATE A FUNNY SCENARIO OUT OF THEM? OK? OK. MOVING ON**

**Oh, and I don't own Bleach either. Because if I did, Grimmjow would be shirt less. And pant less. Okay, he'd be stark naked. Throughout the episode. Yes, I am a perv. But only when it comes to Grimmjow. Because he was born to be sexy ;3**

**Oh and I didn't know where to place these ads so I just decided to make a new one with all of the ads and this will ONLY AND ONLY BE ONE CHAPTER. I already have waaay too many and I also plan to collaborate on one with IILesGeMeAuxI which I need to get started on but STUPID STUPID SCHOOL WORK. I need this to help clear my mind -.-'**

**Ok I'm starting. Oh and I'll also mention which ads inspired me for each ^^**

**ENJOY**

**Yes I'm done rambling…...now**

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><p><strong>Video (Axe: Bullet)<strong>

Shinji sighs and flips through his magazine. Ulquiorra, all dressed up and walking briskly, passes by. Shinji looks up and his eyes go as wide as dinner plates.

Ulquiorra glances only momentarily at him before looking ahead again, his luscious black locks bouncing on his bare shoulders, his pale muscled chest glowing in the afternoon sun and his emerald green boxer shorts with black polka dots swaying in the breeze while revealing tantalizing slim legs.

Shinji blinks. Ulquiorra is shrugging his coat even closer to his clothed chest as he passes Shinji. Shinji's shoulders slump in disappointment.

What to do now? Oh yeah! He had to go grocery shopping! Hey, he could take the shortcut from the back alley. As he walks through, he glimpses Stark stepping out of his apartment building, his Alaskan huskie, Lobos, following his master closing and all pepped for a walk.

Shinji stares harder. He couldn't take his eyes off those perfect abs just tempting him and that white Speedo left only too little to the imagination. He could feel the drool collecting in the corners of his mouth and hastily wipes it only to look up to scowl. Stark is buttoning up his black sweater and looks up to nod in acknowledgement to Shinji before walking by him. He sighs. Life isn't fair.

Okay, so the good grocery store is still a mile away. Might as well take the bus.

As he clambers on and takes his seat, he watches as Grimmjow gets on too. His jaw drops open as Grimmjow glances in his direction from the top of his Ray Bans. His bare muscles arm supports him against a pole as he tries to find a free seat. His sky blue boxers with the clouds printed on them seem to be taunting him, knowing how much he wants to tap that. Hard.

The bus jerks as it starts moving and Shinji's fantasy falls apart. Grimmjow walks past him, his jean clad hips tilted to the side so that he doesn't bump into anyone. Shinji internally smacks himself. Karma just hates him today.

'Finally!' he breathes and enters the grocery store. 'Time to get some stuff!'

At that moment, Ichigo walks up, basket in hand, as he skims over the aisles. Shinji's eyes almost pop out of his head as Ichigo walks past him wearing nothing but a leopard print underwear.

'Fuck this,' he thinks savagely and pulls out a tiny bottle of Axe and sprays himself. He turns around, watching Ichigo hopefully and biting his lower lip.

Ichigo suddenly freezes in place and slowly turned around, a look of amazement and arousal written clear across his face. He eyes Shinji up and down and smirks.

Shinji smirks back and places his hands on his bare waist, his own tiger print underwear standing out proudly.

_**DON'T LET OPPORTUNITY PASS YOU BY. NEW AXE BULLET XD**_

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><p><strong>Video (Axe Commercial: How do I look)<strong>

Grimmjow walks out of the changing room, attired in a baggy, elbow-sleeved, beige cotton shirt on top of skin tight dark blue jeans. He does a full 360 degrees turn.

'How do I look?' he asks Ichigo with a smirk. The berry quickly wipes the drool from his mouth and tries to act casual while smiling widely.

'It looks good,' he praises. Grinning, Grimmjow returns to the changing room, drawing the curtains to a close. At the same time, the curtains next to him open to reveal Renji. The red head steps out and grabs the bags next to Ichigo.

'Come on, babe, let's go,' Renji simmers and starts to walk out of the store.

'Sure,' Ichigo agrees and grabs the other shopping bag to follow. At that moment, Grimmjow pulls the curtains open to reveal he is wearing nothing but a pair of jet black boxers that barely covers his ass. Ichigo is so busy looking backwards at the sexy bluenette he accidently collides into a revolving rack of women's undergarments, toppling to the ground along with the rack.

_**THE AXE EFFECT XD**_

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><p><strong>Axe commercial (you'll probably have to search for this one :)**

'Help!' Shinji gasps as he goes underwater once more. 'I'm drowning! Help! Help me!'

Ichigo wades towards him, his head tilted to one side in confusion. Kids continue to play their fun games in the kiddie pool. As soon as Ichigo is close to Shinji in the shallow pool, the blonde man wraps his arms around his waist and starts smelling his way up the berry's lean body.

_**THE AXE EFFECT XD**_

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><p><strong>Video (Best AXE ad ever)<strong>

Ichigo sits down at a table in a library, popping his book open. Time to start studying!

Suddenly, he notices Grimmjow sniffing the air and then staring at him from the across the room. He starts feeling nervous and his heart leaps into his throat at the bluenette gets up.

Grimmjow begins to pat himself all over while frowning. He feels his back pockets and then places his hands on his hip, thinking about something. Then, he quickly swivels around and approaches Ichigo's table. He forms a phone with one hand and grinning, places it to his ear while nodding at Ichigo.

Understanding what he means, Ichigo pulls out his cell and hands it to Grimmjow. The bluenette dial a number and places it to his ear. Suddenly, he hears something ringing and his face lights up. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his own cell. He smiles apologetically to Ichigo and hands the berry back his phone.

As he walks away, Ichiog glances at his phone and notices that Grimmjow hasn't erased the number from the screen. He suddenly realizes what the sly bluenette had done and quickly looks at him to see that he is staring back.

Grimmjow smirks and forms the universal hand phone sign next to his ear and mouths, 'Call me' before winking. Ichigo grins.

_**THE AXE EFFECT XD**_

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><p><strong>Motorola - Megan Fox - Super Bowl Ad 2010 [HD] <strong>

'This little guy from Motorola has MotoBlurb,' Grimmjow exclaims as he lazes back in his bathtub full of bubbles hiding everything (sadly) from view while holding out a nifty little cellphone. 'He pulls out all of my important stuff and lets me update my networks all at once!'

He takes a photo of himself, capturing the bathtub as well. He then looks at the photo and tilts his head to the side.

'I wonder what would happen if I put this up online?' he wonders aloud.

_SOMEWHERE…_

Urahara stares at the photo on his phone screen, his nose bleeding, while outside his shop, Jinta, Ururu and Tessai are fighting a giant Hollow.

/*/*/

'Ichigo!' Yuzu whines as she bangs on the bathroom door while doing her pee pee dance. 'I need to go really bad! What are you doing in there? And why'd you take your phone?'

/*/*/

'What picture are you staring at?' Yumichika demands as he glares head on at his lover, Ikkaku.

'That? Oh, no, no, I was just-!' Ikkaku tries to explain but Yumichika slaps him.

/*/*/

Yoruichi slaps her lover, Soifon, across the face, the woman's phone now sitting on the counter. Soifon straightens and glares at Yoruichi before slapping her back.

/*/*/

'Renji, you're holding the ladder, right?' Uryu asks as he cleans the window on the first floor of his house. Renji is staring hard into his phone screen.

'Uh-huh,' Renji says dumbly.

'Then why am I tilting, Renji? Renji? RENJIII!' Uryu shrieks as he comes crashing down. Renji, still oblivious, continues to stare at the tiny screen.

/*/*/

Grimmjow sighs and leans back.

'Probably nothing,' he muses.

_**SEE MORE AT XD (i can't type the site :/ ah well doesn't affect me)**_

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><p><strong>Banned Lifestyle Condom Ads<strong>

Ichigo inspects the fireplace of the spacious apartment.

'And it's got three bedrooms,' says Shinji as he opens one room. 'This is the master bedroom for you and your boyfriend, Grimmjow. I'm sure you'll find it wonderful!'

Ichigo walks in and looks around.

'Unhhhhh!' he suddenly moans. Shinji stares at him. 'Unnnhhh! Urhhhhh!'

Ichigo pauses to listen. Shinji opens his mouth to ask what the hell he was doing but Ichigo holds up a hand to tell him to be quiet.

'Uhhhh! Ahhhhh! Unnnnnhhh!' Ichigo moans louder and faster. He pauses again. Suddenly, someone knocks angrily from the apartment above.

Ichigo sighs and shakes his head at a bewildered Shinji.

'Not interested,' he says in a flat tone.

_**GET READY FOR MORE PLEASURE. LIFESTYLE XTRA PLEASURE XD**_

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><p><strong>Video [Banned condom add (pharmacy)]<strong>

Grimmjow stands in line at the pharmacy, waiting his turn after Chad, who is in front of him. Behind Grimmjow is Shinji, Ichigo and Ulquiorra.

The pharmacist, Urahara, bounces in front of the counter.

'Hello!' he chirps. 'How may I be of service?'

'Yea,' Grimmjow says dully. 'I'd like to buy three condoms.'

'Getting lucky today, aren't we?' Urahara says and winks as he hands Grimmjow his purchase.

'You could say that,' Grimmjow smirks and pays.

'Have a nice day!' Urahara trills. 'And how may I…help…you…?'

All three men after Grimmjow follow him out of the pharmacy without even looking back.

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><p><strong>These were the ads that made me laugh XD Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!<strong>


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